I've been seeing a counsellor once a week, to talk through all the things I'm trying to deal with and at first I was hesitant. I'd seen a couple of different people (a psychologist and a general counsellor) previously, but hadn't felt able to talk freely with them. I felt as though a thirty year old breast cancer patient was out of their usual territory and they didn't know how to handle me, or what they could possibly say. So far though, this one has been good. She seems to read me well and picks up on things that are important, and that others have missed, then explores these more. There is a lot more interaction between us and it's really interesting to hear her observations of me and the links between things that perhaps I wasn't aware of, or hadn't seen before. I had a really good session with her this morning, in which we covered a lot of ground and, perhaps surprisingly, most of it wasn't cancer related. It was quite fascinating in a way, and really thought provoking.
*As a sidenote, I just want to say to anyone who needs to speak to a professional, for any reason, and you don't feel like it's helping, or that the counsellor isn't a good match, please, please find another. And keep trying different ones until you find one you're happy with. It is so important that they 'get' you. It really makes the difference between the therapy helping, or being a waste of time.*
Afterwards, I felt quite calm and had a sense of control that I haven't felt for a long time. I by no means think that I've suddenly dealt with everything and am PING! fine now, but I decided to harness the feeling and try to run with it for a while. When I got home I immediately took out a blank Moleskine notebook and some pens, before I had time to sit down and lose the momentum.
|Tea and snacks for brain power|
I have been meaning to start an art journal for ages, as a means of coping, distraction and getting back into things, but so far had managed to procrastinate and make excuses not to. This morning though, I could see in my mind what I wanted to put onto paper, so I just did it. And it felt good. It is in no way a masterpiece, or even skilled work, but it is a start. A simple start. And perhaps a new mantra.
Do you have a mantra or words to live by? What are they and do they help you?
Until next time xx
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