Tuesday, 9 December 2014

A Christmas Miracle

I've been pretty rubbish with blogging lately, so thank you for sticking around! As the year winds down and the weather makes me want to hibernate, I find it hard to make myself do anything. I will be making more of an effort though and with the new year comes new energy...and hopefully my new online shop, finally.

This time of year also brings a lot of anxiety for me, as my annual scans are always in November. The run up and obviously the day itself, causes so much stress and emotions are always strung out, so that's another reason I didn't want to blog and be all "La la la, isn't life grand", when really I was utterly terrified. 

All the memories and feelings from my cancer experience come flooding back, at the thought of having to go through it again. On top of the usual fear, I'd been having a lot of discomfort and weird sensations in the area, so I was freaking out that something was wrong.

On the day of my scans - mammogram and ultrasound of both breasts and armpits - I was bricking it. I felt like I was going to throw up and poop my insides out. Luckily they are pretty good at telling you if everything looks okay and the radiographer told me she thought everything looked 'normal'. I was relieved, but I never feel that I can believe it until I receive the letter and have it in writing.

Today I got that letter. Two years after my surgery and being told that I was cancer free, I received the news that, as far as they can tell me, I still am. I am so beyond thankful and frankly can't quite believe it. After so many times wondering if I was going die, if I was going to survive, or even see the next Christmas, it is truly a blessing to be here. In the grand scheme of things, two years is nothing, and I'm by no means home free. There is still a long road to go down before cancer is in the rear view mirror, but - it feels like a big milestone. Although it might not be fully behind me, I feel like I'm looking at it sideways, instead of it being right in front of me and that is most definitely progress.

There is a lot of emotional and psychological, as well as physical healing, still to do and that's why I want to keep going with my blog. It's such an outlet and fun distraction from the darkness that can sometimes overwhelm my mind. Scary thoughts can runaway with me and send me down a spiral of fear, but blogging helps me straighten out my thoughts, focus on something positive and allows me to do and be whatever I want to be.

Thank you so much for stopping by and being a part of it.

Wishing you a happy Tuesday!


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